Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s TV ubiquity: ‘It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon’
Late-night hosts talked Donald Trump’s war on plastic straws, Pete Hegseth’s “diet woke” renaming of Fort Liberty and the Philadelphia Eagles’ Super Bowl parade,Donald Trump had a busy schedule on Tuesday – “he was on TV from morning until night,” Jimmy Kimmel reported on Tuesday evening,“It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon with this guy,“All day, reporters in there, he’s taking questions, he’s having meetings, all the most important stuff,” Kimmel deadpanned,Such as: canceling the penny, changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico and ending the scourge of paper straws.
Kimmel could only laugh at a video of the White House staff secretary, Will Scharf, explaining the plastic straw executive order to Trump.“I like that nerd who has to stand next to him and pretend these are like serious things – ‘For too many years, seatbelts have been beeping until you buckle up.This executive order will free us from their tyranny.’”Trump explained the order as: “These things don’t work, and I’ve had them many times.On occasion, they break, they explode.
If something’s hot, they don’t last very long.”“Wait a minute, I’m with him on it not lasting very long, but they explode?” Kimmel exclaimed.“His straws are exploding? How hard is he sucking?“The reason we switched to those admittedly terrible paper straws in the first place is because plastic straws wind up in the ocean and they kill marine life, which is I guess another argument Trump, a well-known hater of sharks, doesn’t buy,” Kimmel continued.As Trump put it: “I don’t think that plastic is going to affect a shark very much, as they’re munching their way through the ocean.”“Like Pac-Man, they’re just munching their way through the ocean,” Kimmel laughed.
“That degree in marine biology is really coming in handy.“The fact of the matter is: Trump loves plastic,” Kimmel concluded.“Most of his wives are made of plastic.We’re going to have a lot of plastic in our future.”"Pussy move, Hegseth!" @JordanKlepper on Pete Hegseth's diet woke renaming of Fort Bragg pic.
twitter.com/ZIlz8WD0SmOn The Daily Show, Jordan Klepper checked in on Pete Hegseth, “Trump’s top cabinet member, if you go by blood-alcohol level”.Hegseth got the job “by promising to go to war against woke”, and on Tuesday, “he won another decisive battle” by reverting the name of Fort Liberty to Fort Bragg.The name was changed in 2023 as part of efforts to cut military honors for Confederate soldiers.“Bragg is back!” Hegseth bragged in a video of him signing the order.
“Yeah, suck it, libs!” Klepper joked.“You didn’t want this military base to honor a traitor to America? Haha, too bad! Woke is dead, and Confederate general Braxton Bragg is alive.”Except, in a memorandum, the Pentagon explained the decision was in honor of a different Bragg – Roland L Bragg, who fought in the second world war.“Whoa, wait, you renamed Fort Bragg after a different Bragg?” Klepper wondered.“So after all that bitching about not giving into woke history, you’re basically admitting that we shouldn’t name military bases after Confederate generals.
Well, it’s a good thing woke is over, because I think I can say this now: that’s a pussy move, Hegseth.“Either commit to honoring a Confederate general, or don’t,” he added.“But trying to find some kind of name loophole is just silly.”And on Late Night, Seth Meyers recapped news that Trump spoke with Vladimir Putin to try to negotiate an end to the war in Ukraine, which Trump says never would have happened if he had been in office.“Because if Trump was president, we would’ve invaded Ukraine,” Meyers added.
In other news, Time Magazine released a new cover showing Elon Musk sitting behind the president’s Resolute Desk.“Well, you’re going to have to make a slight change if you want Trump to see it,” said Meyers next to a mock-up of the cover rebranded as Penthouse.Trader Joe’s announced that the grocery chain would be limiting egg purchases to one dozen per customer per day.“Though, if you’re going through that many eggs, I’m guessing you’re used to being limited?” Meyers quipped.And the Philadelphia Eagles are set to hold their Super Bowl victory parade on Valentine’s Day, “in what’s being called the ultimate test for Philadelphia boyfriends”, Meyers joked.
Too long, didn’t remember: NBA stars that time (and the internet) forgot
We look back at seven ex-NBA stars who contributed a great deal to the league, but whose stories also risk being lost to time thanks to vanishing modern attention spansHave you ever opened up a social media page with a clear intention of what you’re doing and then instantly become distracted? You end up fiddling around and then closing the page and realizing you didn’t even do what you’d originally logged on for? Yes, the internet is a place full of distractions. TikTok, Instagram, whatever Twitter (X) is? It’s hard to remember what you had for breakfast some days. The same, of course, goes for NBA history.If you go online today to read about basketball, it can seem like the league or the sport itself was created in the 21st century. That anything before Kobe Bryant never actually existed
AFL fans expected to fork out as Saturday live coverage goes behind paywall in 2025
The head of Foxtel says AFL fans will “run towards the light” this season and subscribe to its pay TV service or sports streaming platform Kayo when they realise much of the season’s live Saturday coverage has gone behind a paywall.A new AFL broadcast agreement with Fox Sports and Channel Seven kicks in this season. Kayo Sports or Foxtel will required to watch live AFL on a Saturday in Victoria and Tasmania for every round of the home-and-away season, and nationally for the first eight rounds.Patrick Delany believes Australians “see as normal paying for content these days” and the new exclusive live Saturday AFL matches on the pay-TV provider will be enough convince them to sign up with a subscription platform.“Sport is nothing unless it’s live
NBA All-Star Kyrie Irving wants to play for Australia but red tape presents obstacle
His basketball skills have embarrassed the world’s best defences, but Dallas Mavericks guard Kyrie Irving faces imposing regulation, resistance and red tape before he will be allowed to represent Australia in international competition.The former USA point guard revealed at the NBA All-Star Weekend in San Francisco over the weekend he is exploring how to switch allegiances to the country of his birth.“We’re in the process of that right now, just trying to figure out what’s going to be the best route for me to be eligible,” he said.Irving was born in Melbourne in 1992 when his father Drederick was an import for the Bulleen Bullets in the South East Australian Basketball League. The family stayed until their son was two, before returning to the US
Joseph Parker: ‘This will mean something different. I’m doing it for myself now’
New Zealand fighter has appreciated spending time with his family as he prepares to challenge Daniel Dubois for the IBF world heavyweight titleThere’s nothing quite like watching Joe Parker lip-syncing to Take That to lift the mood in the back of an Uber on a drizzly morning in Dublin. The dangerous threat Parker faces against another big-hitting monster of the ring in Daniel Dubois, in Riyadh on Saturday night, fades with the laughter.Even the depressing reality that boxing will continue to ignore human rights abuses in Saudi Arabia, as Parker’s intriguing bout with Dubois headlines an outstanding bill bankrolled by the country’s General Entertainment Authority, can’t erode the wit and charm of the New Zealand heavyweight channelling his inner Gary Barlow.It’s a long drive from the heart of Dublin to the Ballybrack Boxing Club, where Parker has prepared for Dubois, and so I watch the video the fighter made last April. In December 2023 Parker had outclassed Deontay Wilder, a knockout merchant expected to crush him, and he was looking for a new opponent
England exposed to video nasties in bid to end losing streak in Calcutta Cup
England players have been shown Calcutta Cup video nasties for extra motivation as they bid to end a miserable run against Scotland on Saturday.Steve Borthwick’s side will seek a first win against the auld enemy in five years buoyed by their one-point victory against France last time out. But the head coach is waiting on the second-rower George Martin, who was not part of full training on Monday because of discomfort in his knee.Scotland are the only Six Nations team England have yet to beat under Borthwick after they clinched a 29-23 victory in the head coach’s first match in charge in 2023 before prevailing 30-21 at Murrayfield last year.Tom Curry said there had been an “edginess” to training this week as England seek a win that would keep their Six Nations title hopes alive, and his fellow back‑rower Ben Earl explained how the squad have been shown video clips as they bid to stop Scotland’s four-match winning run
Henderson seeks Cheltenham redemption with star turns after 2024 blank
Forty years on from his first Cheltenham festival success, with See You Then in the 1985 Champion Hurdle, Nicky Henderson is still at the peak of his profession – and still taking nothing for granted.“The only time I’ve ever been confident about anything was Altior’s Supreme [Novice Hurdle in 2016],” Henderson said on Monday. “It didn’t matter what Willie [Mullins] brought over that year, he wasn’t going to beat him.“But we always have said, you’d settle for one [winner at the Cheltenham festival]. If you have one on the first day then you get the bit between your teeth and you can say, OK, let’s kick on
Kemi Badenoch says ‘western civilisation will be lost’ if Tory party fails
Lib Dems say Badenoch is echoing Trump’s ‘dangerous rhetoric’ as she claims ‘some cultures better than others’ – as it happened
More than 900 Labour figures decry party’s migration and asylum policy
Badenoch and Farage to vie for attention of Trump allies at London summit
Weekend voting among changes needed to overhaul UK elections system, officials say
Trump’s return means UK must swiftly find a way to increase defence spending | Peter Walker