Satori, Birmingham B13: ‘Pomposity chimed loudly in the air’ – restaurant review | Grace Dent on restaurants

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You really can’t put a price on this kind of excitement, although in this case it came to £12The last time I dined in affluent Moseley, south Birmingham, a few years back and in quite a fancy establishment, a fight broke out mid-meal.It was more drunken argy-bargy than fisticuffs, but enough to count as floor entertainment.Sadly, no spats occurred on my recent visit to Satori, an enlightening Japanese restaurant in the same postcode, though that’s probably because it’s so dark in there – black walls, black floors, black tables – that its customers wisely choose to remain safely seated.But this is not a Dans Le Noir-style themed restaurant where you eat in a blackout; no, it has instead merely been designed by someone who clearly really loves shiny, black surfaces with blood-red trimmings and busts of dragons.It’s giving, as the kids say, 1980s MFI showroom doing international playboy lair.

Or the time Adrian Mole painted over his Noddy wallpaper with black paint, but the gold hat bells kept gleaming through.Satori is inspired, the website says, by the Japanese concept of satori, a moment of “awakening”, and offers a dining experience “that transcends the ordinary and becomes a journey of discovery, flavour, and connection”.That’s a slightly pompous claim for somewhere that serves tuna and avocado maki, chicken wings, miso cod fillet and duck breast with honey and soy, but then pomposity chimed loudly in the air as we were led brusquely to our shiny table.We had ordered drinks from the small bar by the front door, a shiso fine made with Afsana Lion non-alcoholic spirit, red shiso and rhubarb and hibiscus tonic, plus a kendo made with Afsana Warrior, toasted rice tea, coconut water and sesame.Both sounded delicious, but they remained a dream because they never showed up.

Did I maybe get off on the wrong foot with the front of house? Admittedly, there was a certain fractiousness from the moment I began ordering.“We’ll start with some sushi,” I said confidently.“The sushi platter?” our server replied, guiding us to the £30 option.“Well, how many pieces are on it?” I asked.“Twelve,” he said, tapping his pad.

“And what then for starters?”“Do we need starters?” I asked, having already seen several platters of rather cumbersome-looking maki and nigiri pass by.“Yes, you’ll need starters,” he said, curling a lip.“Tea-smoked miso aubergine?” I said, hoping to placate him.“Karaage?”“And?” he said.“Can we order mains now?” I said, ignoring his rolling eyes.

My request for the black cod at £35 and the £30 lamb cutlets seemed to persuade him that we weren’t just cluttering a table,A weird, dry, wilted cracker with spring onion and goat’s curd appeared as an amuse-bouche,Then a plate – black slate, naturally – topped with salmon and tuna nigiri dressed with rather thickly sliced okra and some caviar, and a slightly stodgy dragon prawn tempura maki topped with pea shoots,This wasn’t sushi worth making a special trip for, and pretty indistinguishable from the freshly rolled options at Waitrose,Next up came two thick slices of that tea-soaked aubergine, which was sweet, mushy and pleasant enough.

Four small, thumbnail-sized pieces of karaage followed, which we’d been told had a layer of bonito under the drab, dry batter,Chopsticks were whisked away for our mains, which is when Satori ceased to push the boundaries of Japanese cuisine, ahem, and landed firmly in a 1990s UK pastiche of “sophisticated Japanese”, with a chunk of rather nice fish in a buttery miso sauce on a couple of pak choi leaves, and three deliciously plump, pink pepper-seasoned lamb chops with a few smears of yoghurt and some spindly heritage carrots, which owed more to Bengal than to Tokyo,This was the sort of dinner where you order dessert mainly out of sheer curiosity,“The baked Mount Fuji!” I declared triumphantly,Within a matter of minutes, and certainly not within time actually to bake anything, a chunk of matcha ice-cream ensconced in sticky meringue was on our table, a shot of whisky was hurled over the top and the whole thing was then set ablaze.

At this point, semi-hysteria set in, although that might have been the whisky fumes.After the flames abated, the plate – black, of course – was a mound of singed, still moist meringue mix sitting on some melted ice-cream and a puddle of whisky.You really can’t put a price on that kind of excitement, although in this case it came to £12.Dinner was £168.77 including the warm service, but without the cocktails that, to date, are still being made in a very black room in Moseley.

There wasn’t a fight in the restaurant, but my purse took a battering,Satori 2c St Mary Row, Wake Green Road, Birmingham B13, 0121-537 4166,Open Tues-Thurs, dinner only, 5-10pm; Fri 1pm-10pm; Sat noon-11pm,From about £50 a head à la carte; tasting menu £75; “signature” tasting menu £120, all plus drinks and service,The next episode of Grace’s Comfort Eating podcast is out on Tuesday 11 March – listen to it here
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How to turn leftovers into a savoury bread pudding – recipes | Waste not

Layers of savoury custard-soaked stale bread, topped with odds and ends of cheese, vegetables and meatStrata is a classic dish that is also a marvellous way to use up stale bread, odds and ends of cheese, and whatever vegetables or meat you have left over. It’s endlessly adaptable, and great for feeding a crowd or prepping ahead for a laid-back breakfast or brunch.Strata involves layering custard-soaked bread in a buttered dish, and covering it in more custard, plenty of cheese and just about whatever other flavoursome ingredients take your fancy. Cubed bread seems to be common in many recipes, but, as a big fan of the quintessential British bread-and-butter pudding, I’ve used sliced bread instead (I was surprised to learn that this American-style savoury bread pudding has been around since the early 1900s – one of the earliest recipes appears in Juniata L Shepperd’s book Handbook of Household Science, published in 1902).I flavoured my strata with chopped spinach, roast leeks and sun-dried tomato paste, a combination that I can very much vouch for, but I would recommend working with whatever you’ve got to hand

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Five bars that show off London’s status as ‘wine capital of the world’

This week, London was crowned “wine capital of the world”. It’s worth noting, perhaps, that this shiny new title comes from the annual Knight Frank Wealth Report, and is based on how many restaurants serve fine wines from the world’s top 250 wine and champagne houses. If this is what matters to you when looking at a wine list, this would put London’s wine offering ahead of New York, and even Paris.The Guardian’s wine expert Hannah Crosbie lists a few old and new wine bars that you can walk into and order a bottle anytime. You don’t have to be rich to drink here (but I’m sure it helps)

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Benjamina Ebuehi’s recipe for guava jam sandwich biscuits | The sweet spot

At the start of the year, I spent a month eating my way around Mexico City, and one thing I ate in abundance (besides tacos) were guavas. I had them in every way possible: blitzed into a juice; sitting on a cheesecake at the iconic Contramar; or as a sticky, jam-filled pastry found at nearly every bakery I visited. My favourite version also came with a layer of cream cheese, and I’ve taken those flavours and put them in biscuit form. Shop-bought guava jam is as close as I’ll get here in the UK, but these remind me of a delicious trip every time I make them.Prep 5 min Chill 1 hr 15 min Cook 1 hr, plus cooling Makes 9For the biscuits175g plain flour 50g ground almonds 80g caster sugar ¼ tsp salt 100g unsalted butter, diced 1 medium egg, beatenFor the filling 100g cream cheese ½ tsp vanilla bean paste or extract15g icing sugar, plus extra to dustA pinch of salt 3 tbsp guava jamTo make the biscuits, mix the flour, almonds, sugar and salt in a bowl until combined

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Satori, Birmingham B13: ‘Pomposity chimed loudly in the air’ – restaurant review | Grace Dent on restaurants

You really can’t put a price on this kind of excitement, although in this case it came to £12The last time I dined in affluent Moseley, south Birmingham, a few years back and in quite a fancy establishment, a fight broke out mid-meal. It was more drunken argy-bargy than fisticuffs, but enough to count as floor entertainment. Sadly, no spats occurred on my recent visit to Satori, an enlightening Japanese restaurant in the same postcode, though that’s probably because it’s so dark in there – black walls, black floors, black tables – that its customers wisely choose to remain safely seated.But this is not a Dans Le Noir-style themed restaurant where you eat in a blackout; no, it has instead merely been designed by someone who clearly really loves shiny, black surfaces with blood-red trimmings and busts of dragons. It’s giving, as the kids say, 1980s MFI showroom doing international playboy lair

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Curd surge: TikTok recipes drive a national cottage cheese shortage

If you’ve spotted a cottage cheese-shaped hole in the dairy aisle recently, you’re not alone. Australians’ suddenly insatiable appetite for the product has left dietitians grinning and supermarkets scrambling to restock.The curd surge is being driven by trending recipes on social media, which emphasise the cheese’s high protein content. On TikTok, cottage cheese is touted as a core ingredient in everything from dips to ice-cream to bagels.It’s a welcome development for accredited practicing dietitian Anna Debenham

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Grape news! Australia’s best-value fruit and veg for March

While summer stone fruit is on the outs, a bushel of vegetables is affordable at the start of autumn, including cabbage, capsicum, corn and celeryCapsicums, cabbage and potatoes are plentiful in the first month of autumn, but it’s time to say a fond farewell to summer fruits, such as mangoes, peaches and nectarines. Instead, pick up a bunch of red or white grapes.“There are a huge variety of grapes at the moment,” says Pat Senserrick, owner of Senserrick’s Fruit and Flowers in Keilor, Melbourne. “We get more and more every year … As far as fruit goes, they are probably the best value.”Grapes can be found for $4 to $5 a kilo